Thursday, February 24, 2011

Klacxion Traction

I'm supposed to be doing this easy homework assignment right now, but I keep putting it off. I was having some sort of creative rush, and I thought I'd do something related to that NaNovel I was writing back in November. I never finished it, but I'm not done with it. I haven't planned an ending for it yet, but it's headed somewhere and I'd like to get there someday. Today, I thought I'd just turn some of my favorite scenes so far into comics. Thing is, I don't really remember the scenes I wrote. So I've been wasting time reading it through. I'm at one of my favorite parts, and I seriously can't stop reading it. It's hilarious. It's interesting. The pacing is awful. I am definitely the target audience for this book.

Here, let me share some parts with you:

In this part, the main character is lying on the floor (out of boredom) while the captain, Jackson the dog, tries to clue him in on some things.

“So, those Klacxions are pretty weird, huh?” Jackson remarked. I guess small talk is allowed when Jackson does it, because the last time I tried to comment on something trivial he called me a snot face.

“Klacxions? What?” I’m not an alien, I don’t pretend to know this stuff.

“Baxter and Ethel. They’re Klacxions.”

“Oh, Klacxions.” Sometimes I do pretend to know this stuff. “Yeah, they’re a bunch of weirdos.”

Here, the main character, ol' Whatshisface, tries to avoid doing work.

Of course, there is nowhere to go if I’m not in the main room. So I walked circles around the hallway. I tried to think of it as getting some exercise. It was about as boring as walking on a treadmill, but I didn’t want to go back into the main room and have Jackson talk some more about his kitchen. I also didn’t want to go do anything resembling work.

Yes, this is by far the most exciting space adventure I have ever been on.

“Tommie, stop being an idiot.” Oh, look, it’s Baxter. He’s standing in the hallway, just like me. Yay, hallway buddies.

“I do what I want.” I said as I squeezed past him and continued walking. Why is he just standing in the hallway?

“Shouldn’t you be making beds?”

“There’s no rush—Augh what?!” During that last lap around the hallway, Baxter managed to take off all of his clothes. “Why are you naked?!”

Baxter frowned. “I’m about to check out the engine room, and I don’t want these clothes to burn.” Baxter placed his neatly folded clothes next to the door to the engine room. “You should stand back, it’s really hot in there and you might melt.”

I did more than just stand back, I went through the nearest door and got the Hell out of there. I don’t think I’ll ever take a stroll around the hallway again. If I ever feel like doing some exercise to avoid work again, I’ll just do sit-ups in my bunk room. I feel like I’m less likely to walk into a naked alien in there.

And then, this part here, the main character daydreams while standing around in a room he shouldn't be in at all.

I really want to know more about this computer. Do you think it gets some sort of galactic internet? I wonder if Baxter has ever used it to have video conversations with other people. I can totally imagine receiving a message from some Gorblaxian space commander on an enemy ship about to attack, telling us to surrender. And then Jackson would be all like “No way, fire the lasers!” And the entire ship would start to shake as the enemy fired back, and Jackson goes like “All energy to the shields! We will never surrender!” Pew pew pew! And Ethel, wearing a miniskirt, is all “Oh, save me, first mate Tommie!” and I’m all “You can count on me,” only I say something way cooler than that. And then Baxter and I grab our huge freaking laser guns, set our phasers to kill, and teleport over to the enemy ship to kick some evil alien ass. I totally save the day when I burst into the captain’s room and shoot his face off, and then rescue the hot alien slave princess—

“What the Hell are you doing in here?!” Oh, shit, Baxter is back.

And then, shortly after Baxter walks in on MC:

I scrambled back to my feet and grabbed the nearest things to me, while Baxter calmly stood up and moved toward me. “Stand back!” I warned. “Or I’ll… I’ll lick this book! I’ll slobber all over it!” Baxter grimaced.

“Put those down. Get out.” He looks so angry, but his voice is so level. I wish he wouldn’t move so slowly, it’s freaking me out.

“I’ll pee on this doll!”


“Don’t hurt me!” I couldn’t bring myself to move. I think this is one of those fight or flight reaction things. Either my reaction would be to run away in complete terror, or stand there and try to fight. I can’t move, so I must be trying to fight. It’s sad to think that my idea of fighting is threatening to pee on dolls.

This one here is best without any context.

Oh God, Baxter is totally naked and on the floor right now. Everything is really awful in this room.

Okay, that's enough of that. All these scenes are from the same part of the book. Pretty much, all of this happened in less than an hour in-story.

Right, let's do that homework assignment.

No comments: