Monday, June 1, 2009


The award ceremonies at school were today. I was invited again, but I only received one award. (In Drama.) Louis and I are mad that Sensei didn't bother to give his AP students awards. We deserve them just for sticking with the class for five years, as well as for willfully screwing up our schedules for the year just to take his class. Sure, we're kinda bratty in class, but we've shown perseverance.

So I sat for two hours on an uncomfortable chair, wearing itchy clothes, jammed together in an overheated room, clapping way too often for people I didn't care about, all for the hope that I might get to stand up and accept a nice piece of paper that has my name on it. I honestly don't know if it was worth it.

In my English class, our final is to write an essay describing what we think it means to be educated. I think I'll write a really negative essay. I won't allow any room for conjecture; everything will just be boring dictionary definitions of education. Actually, I've just been really negative in general lately. I've been starting off my mornings thinking about different ways and reasons for beating up a specific friend of mine while I drive to school. I've also been picking stupid fights, saying harsh things, and generally distancing myself from people. While I do have my reasons for being so terrible lately, I really feel I shouldn't be letting them affect my actions towards people.

Great, now I feel awful.

Maybe tomorrow I'll try to zen out. I'll play peaceful music all day (Do I even own peaceful music?) and focus on the different things I do to relieve stress. I'll bring some knitting. I'll blow bubbles. And I also won't open my mouth to talk unless I'm going to say something that'll make somebody else smile. After all, high school is ending. This is a time to party with all my friends, not throw little fits.

My rule for June 2nd, 2009: No complaining.

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