Wednesday, August 5, 2009


So I am feeling a little bit depressed today, and that means I want to type up an entry that is less about my daily life and more about one aspect of my life. And, oddly enough, I want to talk about my weight. Mostly because it is something that I am completely certain about (I know just how much I weigh), and today I'm fretting over things I'm uncertain about. Also, won't it be nice to not read about me harping on about the Sony Reader?

I'm going to start off by addressing fat people, because they annoy me. If you're a little bit chubby, I don't care. It's when your waist starts creeping into my airplane seat that I get annoyed. And then I start getting pissed if you complain about the seat being too small. It just bothers me that so many changes are being made to accommodate overly large people. Shouldn't we instead keep things as they are, and give them a reason to lose a bit of weight? I only bring this up because I keep seeing ads for that new Bachelor show or whatever. I'll admit, all of the women are gorgeous despite their weight. But I get severely irked when that one chick says, "It's so nice to meet a guy that likes normal-sized women." She is not normal sized, and by no means should she delude herself into thinking it. If she is healthy then she has no reason to be fussing about her weight, but she can't expect that so much belly around her middle will be viewed as normal.

I must be weightsist, or something. Skin color, religion, none of that bothers me. But God forbid you be fat! And face it; if you're obese, it's probably your fault. (Nothing against people with medical disorders, but you're still really annoying.)

I am a very skinny person, and I have been all my life. When I was very young, I remember my mum complaining to my dad that she felt bad about how skinny I was. It looked as if she wasn't feeding me. This wasn't at all the case, though; I had a very healthy appetite. I've been pretty much the same way ever since. I don't fuss very much about how much I weigh, so long as I am still healthy. There have been a few times where I have been unhealthy and weighed much too little, but those are stories for another day.

You'd think that by being skinny, I'd be more easily accepted into the world. I've seen so many documentaries about fat people having problems with their social life. It's just a common idea that the fat kid will get teased. But it seems that everyone overlooks that it's not their weight that causes them to be teased, it's the fact that they are different at all. Even when I was little it was common for kids my age to be overweight. They didn't get teased, because it was just another normal thing. But if they were the only boy in an otherwise all-girl class, they would get teased. Similarly, I've found myself being the only skinny girl in a group of chubby chicks. But fat girls are really vicious, apparently, because they don't just make fun of me, they go out of their way to blame me for everything that is wrong in the world. I spent about a month in high school avoiding this group of four or five girls that really didn't seem to like the way I looked. I had done nothing wrong, they just were really jealous that I looked nice in my clothes, I guess.

I've also noticed that when I dress well for an extended period of time, people don't like talking to me. I'm pretty sure that by being skinny and wearing fashionable clothes, people assume that I'm stuck-up. So I guess that's another example of not quite fitting in because I'm skinny. I suppose the point I want to make with that is it doesn't matter if you're fat, people will probably hate you anyways.

I don't know where I'm going with this at all. I guess I just wanted to point out that because I'm skinny I don't always get accepted into groups, which is backwards because usually it is the fat kid that has a hard time.

Maybe I'll talk about how having the ideal body weight isn't actually ideal. I don't understand how the girls on TV are so skinny yet look so nice. After a certain point, your ribs start to stick out, and it's not an easy thing to hide when you're in a bikini. My ribs have always stuck out, as have my hips. In all honesty, I don't look that great when I'm naked (seriously, who does?), but I do look nice when I'm wearing clothes. Especially clothes that cover my joints, which tend to be bony. I've had people tell me that they wish to be as thin as I am, but it's like there's fine print they haven't read. Being skinny comes with physical setbacks, I'd rather have a normal bodytype. Not normal like the fat chick from that ad, but actually normal.

I've tried quite a few times in my life to gain weight. I've tried diet, which worked for a bit but the weight never stuck. I've tried exercise, which turned out to be a horrible idea because I lost weight. I've tried both, with no results other than my breasts getting bigger. Which was just plain odd.

This past summer I have been losing weight, and it's actually kinda scary. Yesterday I noticed that my wrists were the thinnest they have ever been, and that the bones in my wrists and hands were jutting out uncomfortably. Try as I might, I can't get my weight up to at least 100 again. Ideally, I'd be 120, but for some reason I've been weighing closer to 95. I can only think of one reason why I'm losing weight; I've stopped eating school lunch every day. Essentially, that was the unhealthiest meal of my day, and now it is gone.

I generally like healthy foods. I don't mean sodas that are diet or low-calorie snacks, because I'm pretty sure those things are carcinogenic. I mean actual meat from a real animal that has not been processed, bread without preservatives. I prefer finer foods, such as picking filet mignon over a hamburger and fries. I'd much rather eat a peach than eat anything from McDonald's, actually. I’m pretty sure this plays a big part in why I weight so little, and why cutting out one unhealthy meal makes such a big difference.

Man, this is a long post. And I could probably double it in size discussing ideas and theories about why I’m skinny. So I guess I’ll end here.

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